The past couple of months have been hard but good. HK is really enjoying his new job with the elevator company. I'm really, REALLY glad to see how happy and content he is in this new career path that he's patiently worked toward for so long. As for myself, emotional healing and vitality are my priorities in this season.
The image I have is a wavy line with waves above and below a baseline. At first, the peaks and valleys are very high and very low and very close together. Over time, the highs and lows become less extreme and less frequent, with more time spent in the moderate zone. So I have some good days and some awful days and a lot of just ordinary days, or hours or moments.
I never know when it will be a high day or a low day or how intense those experiences will be or how many ups and downs will occur each day. The unpredictability is hard to plan for so I just have to pay attention to how I'm feeling and what I need at any given moment and make room for myself to be and feel whatever I find when I look inside. I need to pace myself physically and emotionally so I don't get too overwhelmed.
Reflection, journaling, professional therapy and connecting with good friends are tools I'm using in my recovery. In March I went to Idaho to visit Richard and Jeannette McGrath, old friends of mine who rode their horses across the country a few years ago. It was really good to see them again and to meet some of their friends, whom I am blessed to call my own friends now. I think the McGraths are wonderful and amazing people, but you can find your own reason to think so at their website: www.heartsupranch.com. I've also been able to visit dear friends in Northern California and here at home. I've started back to work, just a few hours at a time. I don't want to go back to work full time right now but it's nice to be able to help out. I'm also really enjoying my time at home. I reorganized my freezer, my pantry, and my dresser. I got to help HK's mom plant the garden this year. We put in cucumbers, squash, beans, peas, and tomatoes.
As Mother's Day approaches, I am on a bit of a walkabout for two weeks. I spent three days at Rock-N-Water, at the Gold Rush living history program I used to do full time. It was fun being Elsie again, gold panning in the river and singing songs and telling stories around the campfire. Now I have a few days to visit dear friends and family and be Aunt Judy for a while. Later I am going to Yosemite, one of my favorite places on the planet. And I plan to see my mom and grandma on Mother's Day. But it's a tough time no matter how you slice it. HK and I both appreciate your prayers and your encouragement, through the next few weeks especially.
