I was looking forward to Christmas being quiet, cozy and EXPECTANT this year. Our baby wasn't due until late January. I thought we would have more time before we met him. And I thought we would have a lot more time before we said good-bye to him.
We went in for our regular checkup on Tuesday, December 9. The office visit went along just fine until they went to hear the baby's heartbeat, as usual. But it wasn't there. They checked again with another instrument and then calmly sent us to the hospital for the doctor on duty there to check again.
And then we heard the news we never expected to hear. We had lost the baby.
The world stopped spinning for a moment. And then everything tumbled down around us.
I was going to have to give birth, now, but I wasn't going to be taking my baby home.
It would be several days before we learned that Toby had gotten tangled up in the umbilical cord and gone ahead of us to heaven. We would get to hold him for a few hours, give him a name, and say goodbye, but we never got to hear his voice.
I will keep writing more of Toby's story as I am able.
little feet and loving hands
Toby, you are part of our family and we will love you forever.
