Not gonna sugar-coat this: the New Year looks bleak and dismal from where I stand now. 2015 was going to be the year our baby arrived. Now there will be no baby in 2015.
Please pray for HK as he goes back to work next week. Please pray for me as he goes back to work and I continue to rest and recover. I fear the desolation and the loneliness. I fear the question "What do I do now?" Go back to work-without my baby? Stay home-without my baby? I don't like any of the answers.
Please pray for me in the evenings. My capacity to stay asleep is improving (praise God!) but falling asleep is still really hard and really emotional. Often, I stay up late because I am afraid to go to bed and try to sleep, but staying up late only makes everything worse. I told you there would be no sugar-coating. Thank you for your prayers.
little feet and loving hands
Toby, you are part of our family and we will love you forever.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Monday, December 29, 2014
New: Leave a message!
Now you can leave a message for us on the Encouragement Page!
Better than facebook or texting, leave a message for both of us here on our blog and encourage someone else along the way, too!
Click on the link called "Encouragement Page" over there to the left.
Better than facebook or texting, leave a message for both of us here on our blog and encourage someone else along the way, too!
Click on the link called "Encouragement Page" over there to the left.
How long is recovery?
How long is normal post-partum recovery? Anywhere from 6 weeks to 1 year.
How long does it take when it includes grieving the unexpected loss of my son? When there is no baby in my arms to make the pain and discomfort of childbearing worthwhile? Nobody knows.
Physically, I think I am at about 85% of my strength. My body made miraculously rapid progress in the first week or so and I was quickly able to walk and move and function again at almost normal capacity. I can do most things again, just not too much at a time, and I expect that to be true for a while yet.
Our hearts will take much longer to mend.
How long does it take when it includes grieving the unexpected loss of my son? When there is no baby in my arms to make the pain and discomfort of childbearing worthwhile? Nobody knows.
Physically, I think I am at about 85% of my strength. My body made miraculously rapid progress in the first week or so and I was quickly able to walk and move and function again at almost normal capacity. I can do most things again, just not too much at a time, and I expect that to be true for a while yet.
Our hearts will take much longer to mend.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Thank you!
Thank you for all the hugs and prayers and cards!
You don't have words, and neither do we. Sometimes they aren't necessary.
You don't have words, and neither do we. Sometimes they aren't necessary.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Today's Prayer Requests
Please pray for Christmas to be a time of blessing, even though painful.
Judy is having a hard time getting enough sleep. Both physical and emotional challenges stand in the way. Falling asleep is an especially emotional time for her. When it starts getting dark outside is also challenging emotionally for her.
Family members are struggling to cope with the news and physical illness. Please pray for family and friends and everyone who is touched by our loss to be drawn to the heart of God and comforted by HIS GOODNESS.
Judy is having a hard time getting enough sleep. Both physical and emotional challenges stand in the way. Falling asleep is an especially emotional time for her. When it starts getting dark outside is also challenging emotionally for her.
Family members are struggling to cope with the news and physical illness. Please pray for family and friends and everyone who is touched by our loss to be drawn to the heart of God and comforted by HIS GOODNESS.
Not the Christmas we expected
I was looking forward to Christmas being quiet, cozy and EXPECTANT this year. Our baby wasn't due until late January. I thought we would have more time before we met him. And I thought we would have a lot more time before we said good-bye to him.
We went in for our regular checkup on Tuesday, December 9. The office visit went along just fine until they went to hear the baby's heartbeat, as usual. But it wasn't there. They checked again with another instrument and then calmly sent us to the hospital for the doctor on duty there to check again.
And then we heard the news we never expected to hear. We had lost the baby.
The world stopped spinning for a moment. And then everything tumbled down around us.
I was going to have to give birth, now, but I wasn't going to be taking my baby home.
It would be several days before we learned that Toby had gotten tangled up in the umbilical cord and gone ahead of us to heaven. We would get to hold him for a few hours, give him a name, and say goodbye, but we never got to hear his voice.
I will keep writing more of Toby's story as I am able.
We went in for our regular checkup on Tuesday, December 9. The office visit went along just fine until they went to hear the baby's heartbeat, as usual. But it wasn't there. They checked again with another instrument and then calmly sent us to the hospital for the doctor on duty there to check again.
And then we heard the news we never expected to hear. We had lost the baby.
The world stopped spinning for a moment. And then everything tumbled down around us.
I was going to have to give birth, now, but I wasn't going to be taking my baby home.
It would be several days before we learned that Toby had gotten tangled up in the umbilical cord and gone ahead of us to heaven. We would get to hold him for a few hours, give him a name, and say goodbye, but we never got to hear his voice.
I will keep writing more of Toby's story as I am able.
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